Gathering her belongings once the children had gone home for the day, Elizabeth wondered how much longer she might get to teach in this schoolhouse that Jack built for her all those years ago. Echoes from the past rang through her mind. So many lives had been changed in this little Hope Valley building, including her own. So many memories lived here including all of the students she had taught, her wedding, church meetings, conversations with Jack…and Nathan. She twisted the cumbersome diamond ring on her left hand, as the familiar guilt washed through her. Why was it that her fiance rarely occupied her thoughts the past several weeks? Sure, life had gotten busy for both of them; but her heart was waking up and feeling things she thought she had suppressed and put away.
Footsteps approaching brought a flood of emotions Elizabeth was unprepared for, as she briefly closed her eyes. She knew who it was before turning around to face him. “Nathan,” she almost whispered, her heart pounding as he slowly walked toward her. Her breath caught when she noticed his unbuttoned blue shirt that he’d worn during some of the most emotionally intense conversations they’d had over the past several years. She suspected that he must have heard the news about her potential departure from their little town.
“Just yesterday, you told me how you never wanted to leave Hope Valley,” he began. Their conversation in the Mountie office from the day before had been running through Nathan’s mind ever since he heard that Elizabeth would possibly be moving to Capital City if Lucas won the election for governor. He knew better than anyone what this town meant to her. It was their HOME. His decision to stay after being offered a promotion was partly for Allie, but Elizabeth had factored into it more than he would ever want to admit. He felt moisture in his eyes, much to his chagrin. He didn’t want Elizabeth to see what he was feeling; but there was no turning back now. He had to know once and for all what she really wanted. If she did, in fact, leave this town with Lucas; he had no choice but to really move forward and try to erase her from his mind and heart…a task that felt impossible.
“You know as well as I do, that this is the only way to save the town,” Elizabeth stubbornly replied. “It’s the sacrifice Lucas, um, and I have to make.” Why did it feel like she was dying a little inside when she thought about being married to Lucas Bouchard? He was a decent man who could give her and little Jack a good life; but deep down, she knew good enough would never be enough.
Thoughts of Elizabeth and Lucas married always felt like a knife to his heart. A little bit angry, Nathan continued, “And then what? What about, what about teaching? What about these kids? I mean, is this what you want?” He kept inching forward, not able to contain the floodgates of emotions that flowed freely through him. He knew she felt them, too. Whether or not she would admit that, was a whole other issue.
Trying to sound confident, Elizabeth declared: “Nathan, this is bigger than me.” She kept telling herself she had made commitments, and Lucas needed her by his side for support. Although, he didn’t seem to be concerned about her being pushed aside every time someone wanted an interview or picture.
Undeterred, Nathan kept a steady pace to confront Elizabeth at the front of the room near her desk. “Elizabeth, you make a difference here. I’m asking you to be honest with yourself. Is this what you want?”
“What other choice do I have?” Elizabeth’s voice began to tremble as she inwardly begged Nathan to give her a way out of this mess. All she had ever wanted was a simple life in this little town with her family. Elizabeth’s calling was to teach, but something told her that the wife of a governor would not be allowed in the classroom anymore. It was tearing her up inside, but she didn’t know how to stop the chain of events that would force her to make some very difficult decisions.
Stopping as close to her as he dared, his voice barely whispered her name, “Elizabeth”. His eyes met hers and bore deep down into her soul. She needed to figure this out on her own this time. He had to be the one to make her look inside and see what he did. “What do you want?” he emphasized, fighting every instinct to reach out and touch her. His head screamed she was taken, but his heart ached to take her in his arms. He wasn’t sure exactly when he knew the thing holding him back from pursuing other relationships was his love for Elizabeth; maybe it was the moment he confessed over apple juice that he should probably give up on love. Since that night in Elizabeth’s home, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed between them.
Unsure of how long they had been staring into each other’s eyes, Elizabeth tightened her grip on the ring that seemed to be strangling her finger. Nathan whispering her name, then asking what SHE wanted, took her breath away. If she wasn’t wearing another man’s ring, she might have thrown herself into his arms. She had loved this man for years; but the prospect of losing him the way she lost Jack, sent her running away when he confessed that he was in love with her. Only Henry knew she had nearly lost it when Nathan was in danger during the standoff. She knew he was asking her to be truthful about what she wanted, but it wasn’t that simple. Why couldn’t he understand that and just go away? She wasn’t ready to face her feelings yet.
Without thinking, Nathan gently reached out and touched her arm. It was as if a lightning bolt shot through him. Ever since she had gotten engaged, he had set clear boundaries for himself. Beyond steadying her a few days ago when they ran into each other, he had made sure to not allow himself any physical contact with Elizabeth. He couldn’t deny the electricity that buzzed through him whenever they touched, especially when she hugged him tightly. He felt her body tense up and her eyes that had been locked on his shot down to his hand on her arm.
“I can’t do this,” she finally muttered, spinning around and throwing the rest of her belongings into the basket.
Cursing himself for his unintentional slip up, Nathan knew he had to let her go. “Just think about what I said,” he pleaded. “I only want what’s best for you.”
She turned and gave him a quick glance, before rushing down the aisle and leaving the school behind. Tears flowed freely as she walked. Elizabeth knew Nathan could read her like a book, and she wouldn’t be able to hide her true feelings much longer. His words kept ringing through her head, “Elizabeth, what do you want?”
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